Order vs Chaos

Explaining much about seduction and relationships

People love to look at things through a good vs evil lense. Great big battles where the good guys seem to be outnumbered yet somehow manage to beat the odds and triumph over evil. This makes for a nice fantasy but it isn’t very realistic. In reality, it’s hardly ever between good and evil. Usually it’s about order vs chaos (where order isn’t always the good guy).

The same is true when it comes to gender dynamics and dating. Men love to extoll the virtues of masculinity and offset them against the vices of unreliable and selfish femininity. As if masculine qualities are inherently good and women are opportunistic immoral creatures by nature.

In reality there is nothing inherently good about the masculine, nor is there anything inherently evil about the feminine. They’re simply representatives of order vs chaos. Men by nature want order, women want chaos.

To push that a little further, men want to control everything, women want to be controlled. The ultimate patriarchal society is one where everything is owned, regulated and fabricated. The ultimate matriarchal society is a tornado.

Adam wanted to live in paradise where everything was perfectly organized. Neat and orderly. Eve couldn’t resist the temptation of chaos and ate the fruit. Both were outcast from heavenly paradise and forced to go live in the chaotic realm of earth.

And men haven’t forgiven women since. Trying to control her chaos by any means possible. Creating entire societal and religious institutions with the sole purpose of repressing the feminine chaos. Depicting feminine chaos as the root of evil.

But is this feminine chaos really so bad? Most men would say yes, but that’s mostly because it scares & tires them. But in the same way, masculine order can scare & tire women out.

Sure if left unchecked, feminine chaos can cause major problems. Anyone living in the past 20 years can see the effects of unrestricted feminine chaos in the dating market.

However, is unchecked masculinity any better? Societies that are very patriarchal are very restrictive societies. They forbid anything fun, because fun tends to be chaotic. Look at Saudi Arabia for instance. This is a very patriarchal society, but would you want to live there? Get your head chopped off because you drank a few beers and had premarital sex. Even more extreme, patriarchal societies tend to be warrior societies. They don’t just want to control what happens within the society, they also want to control what happens outside of it.

Feminine chaos makes things harder to control and predict, but it also makes life fun and interesting. There is a reason why great masculine artists always have muses, they need an element of feminine chaos to thrive. Something they cannot find within themselves.

Chaos represents the child within us. Children are pure chaos. They’re unpredictable, unreliable and are ruled completely by their emotions, yet we love them. We love them because that chaos of theirs is also pure and innocent. Something which order and control can never be.

Women hold onto that childlike chaos in a way men can’t. 

Orderly Relationships

The struggle between order and chaos can also be seen in your relationships. If it were up to men, relationships would be orderly and predictable. Get home from work, dinner is ready, then watch tv and go to sleep. Every day would be the same without annoying surprises and life would just be on cruise control.

For women this is hell. There is no fun in this predictability. No excitement in this way of living. Which is why so often the man will think everything is going great, and then suddenly she kicks up a fuss over nothing, or even worse, she wants to break up. “Ah she’s shittesting me” they’ll say “I need to double down on my masculinity to make sure this doesn’t happen again”.

When in reality she’s trying to fulfill a legitimate need. Her need for excitement and novelty. Her need for chaos.

Most men simply don’t understand this need so they dismiss it. “Ow it’s her hypergamy”, “women are such drama queens, you can’t depend on them”. The funny thing is though, she’ll feel exactly the same way about you when all you do is create order. The male equivalent of a drama queen is a robotic killjoy.

A man who tries to organize life like an accountant. Everything is put neatly in boxes with a nice label. Clean and crispy with nothing unexpected ever happening.

If your woman ever goes full drama queen, you will do something about it. Either you’ll break up with her, or you will try to find a way to create calmth and order within your relationship with her.

Women will do exactly the same thing to you if you ever go full robotic killjoy. If you make your relationship boring and predictable, she’ll find something to create drama over, or worse, she’ll go somewhere else to find the chaos she needs.

You can judge her for that, but it is what it is. Women judge men just as hard for how boring and predictable they can be. You can either play the judging game or you can embrace reality and see the good in our differences.

Chaotic Players and Orderly Wives

Have you ever wondered why women love artists so much? It’s because artists love chaos. They often thrive in chaos and thus offer women a kind of excitement that order loving men don’t. The same is true with players. These guys have learned to embrace their chaotic side and have learned how to give women tons of drama and excitement. They’ve effectively become chick crack. Where most men try to repress the feminine chaos, artists and players encourage it.

Likewise, some women have found out that acting like a “trad” housewaifu makes tons of men simp over them. It’s because the traditional housewife represents an orderly woman. A woman whose main purpose in life is to make yours more organized and structured. A woman that is easy to control because she wants to stay home and provide for you. Men have a huge weakness for women that represent order & seem easy to control. These tradgirls represent the orderly mother.

But here’s the kicker: players and tradgirls may offer what you think you need, but often they give you the opposite. Relationships with players usually don’t end well for women. Tradgirls are often just posing and hiding their true nature. Even if they are real and truly want nothing more than to create order together with you, it will most likely be a bad relationship. Too much order makes both of you dull. You’ll live your life on autopilot until you die. No excitement and the bedroom will quickly die out.

The truth is we need a balance between order and chaos. Women need a man who can give them order. Men need a woman who can give them chaos.

Which doesn’t mean you have to be extremely orderly and she has to be extremely chaotic. It just means that you have to be able to provide her with order when necessary, and she has to be able to lighten you up from time to time and provide a little excitement into your life.

Most importantly, it means you need to embrace her feminine chaos and she needs to embrace your masculine order. To stop seeing it as a flaw and see it as a virtue instead. Women love artists because artists are often the only ones who can see the beauty in the feminine chaos.

Being on the spectrum

It’s easy to misconstrue this article & think that all women provide is chaos and all men provide is order. This is nonsense of course. We’re all a mix between order and chaos. It’s just that on average women are more on the side of chaos and men are more on the side of order. Women let themselves be led by emotions, men prefer being rational.

And don’t mistake this for everyday stuff like wanting to clean your house or ordening your tax files. We’re not talking about basic stuff like that here. This is about deeper differences between masculinity and femininity.

Both masculinity and femininity have benefits and downsides. There is no good or wrong here. Don’t make the mistake of looking at this through your masculine lense, dismissing the feminine. Male rationality has led to just as many stupid decisions as female emotionality. Successful relationships need both energies.

The real takeaway here is to know that she needs you to provide her with order, but at the same time you also need her chaos. A good relationship is one that has structure, but also has room for spontaneous fun.

Most men are afraid of feminine chaos so they try to repress it. Don’t. Let her know that you appreciate her femininity and that you enjoy it. Signalling this is like entering a secret world most men don’t even know exists.

Most men will judge their woman for her chaotic sexual desires. In response she’ll close herself off sexually (going vanilla) and will fantasize about other men that will accept her for who she is instead. Forget hypergamy, this is actually the main reason why women cheat. Their own man represses their sexuality so much, they get frustrated and go look elsewhere.

The Solution

Women are so used to hiding their chaos towards men, that they’ll do anything to keep a man who accepts and enjoys it. They’ll want to go on adventures with him and they’ll want to explore their sexuality with them. When a man shows a woman that not only will he not judge her for who she is, he actually enjoys who she is, she will open up fully and share that femininity with you.

Just remember that you need to keep your boundaries. Accepting her femininity is good, getting caught up in it isn’t. She needs your masculinity to keep herself in check more than you need her femininity to let go and enjoy. So embrace her chaos, but make sure it stays within the confines of your order. Don’t repress her chaos, channel it into a rich sex life and an exciting dating life instead. You’ll both be happier and more fulfilled this way.

And if you’re stuck within your own order, unable to let go and attract women, consider working with me as a Coach. Together we’ll make the necessary changes to help you embrace femininity and become attractive to women.

Till next time,

Niels