The Future of Online Dating?
How a 15 minute call can prevent her from flaking and make your first dates go way better
Hi there,
This morning I read @PatStedman ‘s mail on zoom calling for a first date. Apparently this became a thing during COVID and many women still want to do this. Pat offered some good advice on how to deal with this situation (If you aren’t on his mailing list yet, you should get on it).
However, my mind got to thinking and I think Pat is not pushing the zoom call idea far enough. I think zoom dates can become a key element of desirable men’s dating arsenal. And you’re the first one to hear about it (so make good use of your head start)
But before we go any further, I need to give you a disclaimer. I don’t use online dating. Haven’t had a tinder account since 2015. Any girl I date is a girl I’ve met in the real world so I haven’t had to use this yet. So know that I haven’t field tested zoom dating myself yet.
However, I think zoom pre-dating is a technique that can be very powerful. I think it can help you stand out from your competition; It can decrease flaking significantly; And best of all, it’s something no guy seems to be doing yet.
So what is zoom pre-dating?
Right now it’s used as a tool by women to filter men and make sure they’re worth meeting up with (and risking catching the “super scary” corona virus)
But how about you flip the script? Instead of waiting for her to ask you to do a zoom-call as a first date, you suggest it. Tell her you prefer to have a short face time call before you two go on an actual date.
It’s a perfect opportunity to get her to qualify for you.
“I’ve had some online dating experiences lately that made me realize I need to be more careful about who I meet up with”
“I just want to make sure you’re not a scary murderer”
“I don’t want to waste my time or yours so let’s have a quick chat to see if you and I match”
There are tons of upsides to having a quick chat like that.
No stupid “I’m not going to reply to you for 3 hours to seem less interested” games
You can see if she actually looks like her photos
You get to see what her personality is like
You might get a glimpse into how she lives (is her place a mess?)
You can see if there is chemistry
You can smoothly transition into setting up a real date
You can use your background strategically (For instance if you play the guitar, you can sit in front of a wall that has a guitar hanging on it. See if she asks about it)
It’s your call
Having a short video call is a great way to show off your frame & leadership. It’s a great way to make her curious about you and to make her look forward to actually meeting you and going on a date with you. Best of all, it turns you from just a randomer she’s chatting with into an actual human being. Something that will change the way she treats you.
Spend 10 minutes getting to know each other a little bit. Then transition into setting up a date together (I enjoy talking to you, and I’m pretty sure now that you’re not secretly a mugger, so let’s go on an actual date and get to know each other). You have a sense of what kind of person she is now so you can adjust your first date ideas to that. Make your first date more personalized and make her look forward to it more.
Because that’s the key element of zoom pre-dating. You establish your future relationship’s frame during the call and you make her excited on going on an actual date with you. Significantly decreasing the chance of flaking and significantly increasing the chance of having a smooth first date (because it will feel like a second date).
On top of that, it’s also a great filtering tool. You get on the call and it turns out she’s more boring than a pile of wood, then you can just tell her after ten minutes “Hey I don’t know about you, but I’m not feeling a connection between us two. Probably best if we keep it at this. All the best with your future dating!”
Instead of wasting an entire evening + $50 on a bad date, you just had a short 10 minute call (which was still good because you got to practice your call skills).
Ow yeah, one final thing. I wouldn’t actually do a zoomdate on your pc. Too formal. Instead I’d do a facetime/whatsapp call on your phone. Quick, informal and fun.
Till next time,
Niels
P.S. Pre-dating can be a very powerful tool that prevents a lot of flaking and will make your dates go more smoothly. I’ve written extensively about it in my book Dating King, Sex Magician, so grab yourself a copy of that if you want to learn more: DKSM
Totally agree re: zoom! Facetime/whatsapp are great options. Hinge and Bumble have built in video features so you can do a video date without ever having to give out your number. My clients have really benefited from video dates in the age of Covid! Great post.